50/50 pasta water martini, pasta, and Robbie!
yeah, you read that right!
This newsletter is late! I am sorry! Will it be worth it? Only one way to find out! If you’re just here for the martini and pasta, well, that’s fair. Skip to the bottom! If you want a little story time, here we goooooooo!
For the longest time, pretty much everyone I knew was like, “Oh my god, you’re SO New York!” I think what they meant was, “You’re gay and dress kind of nuts,” but either way, I’ll take it. I visited the city (that’s what people who live there call it) a lot in my twenties, and I was writing a lot of things like this and like this at the time, and so I also thought I was very New York.
When I moved to San Francisco, most people I met said something like, “Oh my god, you’re SO San Francisco!” I think what they meant was, “You’re gay and dress kind of nuts, and now you have long hair!” But I do think those people happen to be most right. Not that anyone else was wrong. They were just… less right.
I need to live in an old house with a meyer lemon tree growing in the backyard. I need to go from my backyard to a beach to a forest all in under an hour. I need to have my ass kicked walking up hills that literally have stairs built into them because they’re so steep. I need to eat an extremely good burrito in the fog and then find a spot to watch the sunset, all while pretending I’m not cold because I refuse to carry a jacket with me. Those are things I just need to do, and so in that way, I do think I am San Francisco.
But sometimes I need to be New York.
About two weeks ago, it was brought to my attention (by myself) that I had yet to be to New York in my thirties, which is both crazy and also nuts. And so, to rectify that egregious error, I bought a ticket and then texted Robbie to ask if I could stay with him, really giving him no choice but to say yes. (Also, Robbie has a website now, and he looks very hot.)
New York was exactly as I remember it and exactly as I needed it to be. I ate a perfect meal at Bonnie’s in Brooklyn (Robbie did the ordering, and he did not disappoint). I danced with some cute boys, ate a lot of deviled eggs and shrimp cocktail, and drank many, many martinis. Not always in that order. I got incredible Halal food at 3 am and drank two glasses of wine before noon on both Saturday and Sunday. Robbie and I crashed a cookbook photoshoot, and a waitress gave me a to-go pina colada before I went to see the Thierry Mugler exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum. I listened to the new Caroline Polachek album on repeat and had cake for breakfast. Somewhere along the way, Robbie and I cooked together. I’ll get to that in a minute. And then, I flew home.
I needed to go to New York because I needed to, as my friend Oliva would say, get my ya-yas out. Ya-yas are not meant to be kept in. I don’t know that I necessarily keep my ya-yas in in San Francisco, but I think that letting them out in a new place is just an important and unique kind of catharsis. If you have been holding on to any ya-yas, let this be your sign to go on and get them out. Dance a little. Or a lot. Maybe scream into a pillow or howl at the moon. Go make out with a stranger (consensually), or take warm clothes out of the dryer, throw them on your bed, and then roll around in them like a cute little pig. Whatever’s your thing. If none of the above sounds good to you, maybe think about making this pasta and also this pasta water martini. I know I’m biased, but I think it’s a 12/10 way to get out your ya-yas, tbh.
50/50 pasta water martini and pantry pasta
Ok, so hear me out. When I got to New York, I was like, Robbie, we should cook something while I’m here, and he was like, yeah, we should do that.
Because we are how we are, our first thought was to do a duo of martinis. Robbie makes one, and I make one. I have a horseradish martini I’ve really been trying to perfect, and Robbie, well, he’s got some martinis in him. Unfortunately for all of you, you’ll have to wait for another newsletter to get that horseradish martini recipe because Robbie had another idea.
I mean, how do you say no to that? Exactly. You don’t.
So here’s the vision. It’s, like, Thursday night. You’ve had a long week. You want a good dinner and a good drink, but you don’t want to go grocery shopping. Enter pantry pasta. Listen, we weren’t going to tell you to boil pasta just to get the water for a martini—things need to make sense! But, if you’re making pasta, you might as well save some of the water and make a very good, very funky, but surprisingly delicious martini.
This pantry pasta is based on what Robbie had in his pantry. Hopefully, you have some of the same things. If not, that’s ok! I’ll give some alts, but really, we’re here for that pasta water.
We aren’t the first people to think up a pasta water martini. I googled it. However! All of the recipes I could find call for, like, a splash of pasta water. If my time on ATK: Next Gen taught me anything, it’s that if something is supposed to taste like something, it better freaking taste like it! You know what I mean? That’s why this is a 50/50 martini (which is also a thing, but usually with vodka or gin and vermouth). We’re all in on the concept here, and I really think it worked. I will say, if you’re not a dirty martini kinda girl, this probably isn’t for you. But! If you are a dirty martini kinda girl, then baby, I think you’re gonna love it.
50/50 pasta water martini and pantry pasta: ingredients
1/2 box of pasta of your choice: This is pasta for one-ish. I could probably eat it for myself—Robbie and I split it as an appetizer because we had 9:30 pm dinner reservations because people in New York think we’re in Europe or something. That’s too late for dinner. I’m hungry!
4 tbsp unsalted butter: Use what you have. If you don’t have butter, use olive oil.
2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced: If you don’t have garlic floating around, use a shallot or an onion. Maybe you have a weird leek left in your fridge. That works too!
1 lemon: Some of the zest goes in the pasta, and the juice of half goes in too. We used a strip of the peel as a twist in the martini. AHLA (Always Have Lemons Around.)
2 tbsp capers: I love capers. Capers are a pantry must-have for me. If you don’t have capers, you could rough chop some olives. If you have neither but for some reason have anchovies, add two of those.
1/4 cup chopped chives: Robbie had some chives near the end of their life in his fridge. Maybe you have parsley or scallions. Dill would honestly be nice here too. If you’ve got something green hanging around, use it here!
Fresh cracked black pepper: This is just to taste! You could also use some ground red chili flake here. That would be very nice!
A showering of freshly grated parm: We put some in the pasta and then on top because we had it! You don’t neeeeeed it, but like, why not?
2 cups pasta water, reserved: Don’t forget to reserve some water before you drain your pasta. Otherwise, this whole thing was for nothing!
3/4 cup vodka or gin: This is for two martinis! We’re working in cups because that’s how you’re also measuring your pasta water. This works out to be like 3 oz of alcohol per martini, which is standard. Only need it for one? Cut it in half!
50/50 pasta water martini and pantry pasta: method
Ok, first things first here. Put your cocktail shaker and your martini glasses in the freezer. Everything needs to be COLD.
Next, add 1/2 cup of salt to a pot of water and bring it to a boil. You always want your pasta water to be SaLtY LiKe ThE SeA or whatever, but here you really want it salty because, again, it’s going in a martini. Try and keep the ratio of water to pasta down to just enough water to cook the pasta—we want it concentrated!
Prep your prep. Slice your garlic as thin as humanly possible. Grate your parm. Slice your chives or parsley or whatever you’re using. Using a vegetable peeler and working longways, peel off 4 strips of lemon peel. Slice two very thin (this is for the pasta). Leave two as is (this is for the martini). Cut the lemon in half and set it aside.
(If you feel like you’ve got a handle on things, you can put your pasta in as soon as the water starts to boil and then start the rest of this. The base of the sauce should take about as long as the pasta takes to boil (you’re taking it just to al dente because you’ll finish it in the sauce, so, like, 7 or so minutes). If that stresses you out, you can make the sauce and then do your pasta and finish them together. This shouldn’t be stressful. It’s pasta!)
Next, brown your butter in a large skillet (we used stainless steel) over medium-high heat. We took ours pretty far because we got distracted, but honestly, that’s kind of what you want. A deep nuttiness that only comes from brown butter that has been forgotten until it’s almost too late.
Pull your butter off the heat and add the capers. They should sizzle and bubble immediately. This is perfect. We want a gently frizzled caper! Saute them for a minute or so and then return the pan to the heat and turn the heat down to low. Add your garlic and swirl that around for another minute. You just want it to soften! Crack in a lot of black pepper, or throw in some red chili flake.
At this point, your pasta should be done. If it’s not, pull the pan off the heat and wait until it is. Again, you’re looking for al dente here! Once it’s ready, RESERVE TWO CUPS OF PASTA WATER BEFORE YOU DRAIN IT! Then, drain your pasta and add it to the skillet with the sauce.
Return the pan to medium heat, and add your pasta water, the juice of half a lemon, and maybe like, a 1/4 cup of grated parm if you have it. Start with a 1/4 cup of pasta water. We ended up using half a cup, but you just want it to bring the sauce together and make it glossy and rich. Stir it a lot. This part should take just about 3 minutes. Taste it. You shouldn’t need any more salt, but maybe you want to add some more cheese? Up to you!
Transfer your pasta to whatever vessel you’ll be eating it out of. Top it with the thinly sliced lemon peel, chives, and a sprinkle more parm. Maybe another crack of black pepper. Set it aside and get to that martini!
Pull your shaker and glasses out of the freezer and fill your shaker with ice all the way up! Add your alcohol (we used vodka, but if you’re a gin martini person, then good for you). Next, add your pasta water. If you used 3/4 cup of vodka or gin, add 3/4 cup of pasta water. It’s 50/50 whatever you do!
Everything needs to be cold because the pasta water will obviously still be hot. That’s fine—it all balances out in the end. Now, put the top on and shake her up! A lot! Vigorously! Once she’s shaken, go on and pour. I garnished mine with an olive and a twist. Robbie just went for the twist. Either way, make sure to squeeze the peel, pores side out, over the glass, and run the peel around the rim. That little whisper of lemon goes a long way!
And that’s that! Put on your favorite album or show or YouTube compilation, and dig in! Pantry pasta and a 50/50 pasta water martini. The perfect Thursday night meal! It would also work any night, but, really, I think Thursday is the best time.
We hope you make it! We hope you love it!
xoxo,
Garrett (and also Robbie)