collard greens and beans

sorry this will probably make you fart!

Ok, here’s the plan. You’re gonna go to the farmers market (or the grocery store). You’re going to listen to this playlist while you shop. You’re going to find the largest green vegetable you can find (collard greens) and put it in your bag with a little bit poking out of the top so that everyone knows you’re a die-hard romantic who is looking for love. You’re going to lock eyes with the gorgeous barista making someone an oat milk latte out of the back of their truck. You are soulmates. You will live happily ever after.  

gschlichte

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Unfortunately, that didn’t happen for me no matter how hard I tried to will it into existence, BUT I did come home with said collard greens, turn my phone off for a few hours, and cook a really warm, delicious pot of something very good. Then I took my dutch oven to the park and shared with all my friends — it’s amazing how that can also feel like falling in love. 

gschlichte

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It may come as no surprise to you, but I am not a patient person. I want most things yesterday. This often translates into my cooking — it’s why chicken for one-ish is spatchcocked and cooked on high heat. I want it now! However, you just can’t rush collard greens. I mean, I guess you could, but they wouldn’t be very good. 

Numerous times, I have cooked collards and eaten them before they are actually done, which means they taste fine but not nearly as good as they should. The beans in this dish are like a magic little timer that won’t let you eat the greens too soon because while not-quite-done greens might be fine, not-quite-done beans are literally gross, hard little rocks from hell. 

The beans also make this a full meal for me, not just a delicious side dish (although they are also still a delicious side dish). Also, a bowl of these with a fried egg just so happens to be the perfect breakfast, in case you were wondering. 

Anyway, it’s 8:43 a.m., and I haven’t had enough coffee yet, so I don’t really know what I’m saying anymore, but the moral of the story is that you should let yourself take things a little slowly right now, make yourself something good, and still find some ways to believe in love (and beans). 

literally the best breakfast you’re ever gonna have

Ingredients: 

2 lbs collard greens 

1 lb thick cut bacon, cut into 1-2 inch pieces (I grew up eating collards with ham hocks, but, again, I lack patients and therefore just simply will not shred meat after waiting hours for this to cook, so bacon it is!) 

3-5 large shallots, cut thick 

7 cloves of garlic, smashed 

½ cup red wine vinegar 

1 lb dried beans 

2 tbsp better than bouillon vegetable

2 tbsp worcestershire sauce 

salt and fresh cracked black pepper to taste 

method: 

1. In a large pot, cook down bacon over medium heat until some of the fat starts to render out, about five minutes. Then, add your shallots and garlic, cooking until they start to caramelize slightly, about 10 minutes. 

2. Add lots of cracked black pepper, and let it bloom in the fat, continuing to stir for a minute or so. Then, deglaze with the vinegar, making sure to scrap up all the brown bits at the bottom. 

3. Add your collards greens, beans, better than bouillon, worcestershire sauce, and enough water to cover the greens. Mix gently so that everything gets incorporated and bring to a simmer. Cover and let cook for two to three hours, until the greens are tender and your beans are soft and buttery. 

4. Adjust for taste and serve! Mine needed like half a tablespoon of kosher salt at the end, but do what you need to to make it taste right for you! I like to eat it with some good hot sauce and a little more vinegar. 

xoxo,

G