it's fun, it's unexpected, it's brunch (lamb smashburgers and pickles)!

we don't have to look for bad things, Dan!

this has nothing to do with the episode, I just think I look cute here!

Well, that was episode two! As always (lol, this is the second newsletter), the recipe for this week (ground lamb smashburger with a trio of pickles, aka brunch) is at the bottom. If you don’t want to read about the episode, skip on down! If you do—here we go! 

I famously love to complain, so please indulge me for just a moment while I say… RIDICHO BRAISED IN CREAM WITH APPLES?! What, and pardon my french here, the fuck?? Listen, it was delicious, and because it’s ATK, you know it was well-tested, but oh my god. I know everyone was fighting for their lives in the kitchen that day, but RIDICHO BRAISED IN CREAM WITH APPLES?! Ok, I’m done. 

Speaking of fighting for your life, does anyone know what compelled me to wear the warmest sweater known to man while standing over a hot stove for hours? Anyone? No? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, here’s a picture of me watching this episode.

Garrett Schlichte @gschlichte

me: wears a chunky sweater me: looks chunky me:

Now, on to the good stuff!

Stuff you didn’t see

Brooke’s overflow: Ok, obviously, everyone saw the overflow. What you didn’t see was that moments after, I turned around and walked right into the pantry and just… stood there for a while. One of the camera operators (I think it was Jeff) was like… uhh… what are you doing in here? And I was like, well, Brooked just blew up a pot of oil, and I really don’t want to deal with that, so I’m just gonna stand here for a minute. So that’s what I did. 

Normal apple: The magic of television makes it look like judging lasts a few minutes for each person, but in reality, it was like 10 minutes per dish (15 if you’re Marc, which I say with love for my loquacious sister). They ask a lot of questions, which makes sense! And at one point, Dan was like, ok, Garrett, now, tell us what kind of apples you used. Reader, when I tell you that I was SPENT after the cabbage vs. radicchio debacle, I had not two brain cells left to rub together. I just pointed at the pantry and said, I don’t know, Dan, one of the normal ones. A normal apple. Everyone laughed, like, a lot. To this day, at least once a week, someone from the cast texts me a picture of an apple.

Pride: The show was filmed over June and July, which, for me, means Pride. It also means that while Pride was happening in San Francisco, I was in Boston cooking my ass off in a sweater. When we had to explain our dish, I was like, yeah, I made brunch because I’m locked in a hotel, and all my friends are out celebrating! They probably couldn’t show it for continuity purposes and because there’s just still so much to get through, but Karen said, girl, I feel you, and we shared a cute little queer moment. 

My favorite moments 

virgo supperclub: Starting virgo supperclub with Lara, aka my dad, aka the love of my life, is maybe one of the best things I’ve ever done and is certainly a huge reason why I even got on the show. Seeing it featured on TV was just cool as hell. If you’re ever in San Francisco, you should come to one, it’s a really, really good time. 

Making people laugh: Listen, I went on ATK Next Gen to win, but I also went there to have a good time. When I was in front of the judges or in the interview chair, I was just usually thinking, ok, let’s see how much fun we can have this time. Karen laughing at me telling Dan not to think too hard about critiquing my dish… I didn’t not rewind that moment six times!

Being in the top again! As Mindee, the angel and queen who was in the interview room with me most of the time, will tell you: I thought I was going home basically all the time. I just, I can’t explain it. My brain is broken, and I have a hard time thinking positively about myself. Sorry! So it’s been nice to see the show finally and be like, hmm… maybe I am ok at this thing. Maybe I am! 

The recipe(s)

Ok, buckle up. This is a long one with a lot of moving parts. Make some of it or make it all. Make it your own, or better yet, make your friends make it! 

A note on bread and other things: Our bread selection was… limited in the kitchen. Go with whatever makes you happy here—I might choose a crusty loaf and slice it myself, but that’s just me! Put it on a bun! Live your dreams! I served mine open-faced, but that was really just for the aesthetics of judging. Close yours up if that’s the fantasy. Toast the bread however your spirit moves you!

I also put a little butter lettuce between the sauce and the bread to stop it from sogging out while we waited for judging. I don’t think you need it! But if you want some green, who am I to stop you? 

If I was making this not on a show, I would make my pickles, then make the sauce, then toast my bread, then make and cook the burgers, then fry the eggs. You do whatever you feel best about. 

it’s brunch!

Ground lamb smashburger: ingredients 

1 lb ground lamb

2 tsp kosher salt (I use Diamond Crystal!)

Lots of fresh cracked black pepper 

½ tsp cayanne 

1 tsp ground coriander 

1 tsp cumiun 

1tbs dijon mustard

Ground lamb smashburger: method

Mix all ingredients together in a bowl. Make sure your hands are clean, please! Then divide the mixture into six balls, rolled not too tightly. 

Heat a cast iron skillet (my preference, but go ahead and use whatever vessel makes you feel best) over medium-high heat. If you don’t feel comfortable tasting raw lamb, I’d take a little bit of one of the balls (lol), toss it into the pan, and smash it down, so it looks like a little tiny burger for a mouse. Let it cook for, like, a minute? Then flip it for like fifteen seconds, pull it out, and taste it. Does it need more of anything? This is your chance to adjust! 

After you know it tastes right, drop a tablespoon of neutral (vegetable, probably) oil into the pan, and then half the balls (that’s 3). Smash (and I mean SMASH, THIN!) them down with a flat spatula (not a slotted one, which is a mistake I made on the show that they thankfully didn’t show!), and let them cook undisturbed for two minutes. They should be brown and crispy. 

Flip them and cook on the other side for a minute or so. That’s it! Pull them out, add more oil if necessary, and cook your remaining balls. 

If there’s rendered fat in the pan, excellent. Leave it there. You want a pretty generous amount to fry your eggs in. You might need to add more oil—there should be about a ¼ inch layer at the bottom of the pan. I crack three eggs in at a time, season with salt and pepper, and then baste with the oil like your Robbie butter basting a chicken thigh. It should take no longer than two minutes. You might want to do the eggs one at a time. Go at your own pace. Unlike in my reality, there’s no clock counting you down! Once the edges are crispy, and the whites are cooked to your liking, pull them out. 

Yogurt sauce (tzatziki): ingredients 

1 cup full-fat greek yogurt 

Zest and juice of one lemon 

½ cup grated cucumber 

1 tbs fresh dill, chopped

2 cloves grated or finely minced garlic

Kosher salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste 

Yogurt sauce (tzatziki): method 

Chop, mince, dice, grate everything, then mix it all together. Season to taste. 

just a few pickles!

A note on pickles. The pickles can be made in advance. As you’re (likely) not cooking on a competition show, you don’t need to be too pressed for time. The longer they sit, the more flavor they’ll have, so take your time. Enjoy yourself. 

Bloody Mary pickle: ingredients 

5 orange carrots, peeled and sliced into long ribbons using a vegetable peeler 

5 stalks celery, washed and sliced into thin pieces on a bias 

1 tbs black peppercorns 

1 cup water

¼ cup vodka (This is optional! It takes a long time for alcohol to cook off, so if you add it, these will be boozy pickles. Don’t want that? Don’t do it!)  

¼ cup white vinegar 

2 tbs kosher salt 

1 tbs white sugar 

2 tbs tomato paste 

1 tbs of your favorite hot sauce 

Bloody Mary pickle: method 

In a saucepan, bring all ingredients (minus carrots and celery) to a boil, stirring occasionally. Once it’s at a boil and the sugar and salt have dissolved, turn off the heat, add the carrots and celery, stir, and cover. Let it sit for at least half an hour. 

Sambal and lime pickled radishes: ingredients 

1 bunch breakfast or red radishes (yes, on the show, I used baby golden beets, I take that back!), quartered lengthwise 

1 cup water

¼ cup Sambal 

Juice of 2 limes 

¼ cup white vinegar 

2 tbs kosher salt 

1 tbs white sugar 

Sambal and lime pickled radishes: method  

Wash and slice the radishes. In a saucepan, bring all ingredients (minus radishes) to a boil, stirring occasionally. Once it’s at a boil and the sugar and salt have dissolved, turn off the heat, add the radishes, stir, and cover. Let it sit for at least half an hour. 

Dill pickle-ish: ingredients 

5 Persian cucumbers, quartered 

1 cup water

2 tbs kosher salt 

1 tbs sugar 

1 tbs black peppercorns 

1 tbs corriander seeds

4 or so smashed garlic cloves 

½ bunch dill 

¼ cup white vinegar

Dill pickle-ish: method

Wash and cut the cucumbers, peel and smash the garlic. In a saucepan, bring all ingredients (minus dill and cucumbers) to a boil, stirring occasionally. Once it’s at a boil and the sugar and salt have dissolved, turn off the heat, add the dill and cucumbers, stir, and cover. Let it sit for at least half an hour. 

Quick pickled shallots: ingredients

3 shallots, peeled and thinly sliced (you could also use like a half or quarter of a red onion) 

¼ cup white vinegar 

1 tsp kosher salt 

½ tsp white sugar

1 serrano pepper, thinly sliced (optional) 

Quick pickled shallots: method

Peel and thinly slice the shallots or onion and serrano pepper, depending. Combine in a small bowl with the remaining ingredients. Let sit for at least half an hour. 

Congratulations if you made it all the way to the end. This is! A! Lot! If you do decide to make this brunch moment, I’d just serve everything on a platter and put the pickles in some cute bowls, probably tossing half the liquid.Or save the liquid and get weird with some Bloody Mary base options. It’s brunch, have fun. Also, if you do make it, tag me! And, if you want to make something a little easier, might I recommend the lemon ricotta dumplings from the last episode? 

Ok, that’s all love you bye.