one slice of cake

YOU DESERVE IT

To be fair, Joe (my platonic homosexual life partner aka roommate aka sister) asked me to do this in January, so I am a little late, but I am here nonetheless!

Also, to be fair, I am also always wanting just one little slice of some cake.

Garrett Schlichte @gschlichte

can someone bring me a slice of some cake

Garrett Schlichte @gschlichte

would anyone like to bring me a little slice of some cake

Garrett Schlichte @gschlichte

Garrett Schlichte @gschlichte

would anyone like to bring me a little slice of some cake

I cannot be trusted with a whole cake. If I have a whole cake, I’ll just end up slicing off little pieces of it as if doing that fifty-seven times over the course of six hours isn’t the exact same thing as just eating an entire cake. I’d end up like Miranda in this scene from Sex and the City. I love Miranda. Miranda is great. But I don’t want to be this Miranda.

But! We all do deserve a warm little piece of cake sometimes. Maybe it’s been a long day or a long week, or you’re feeling a little sad. Or maybe you’re feeling a little happy. Maybe everything is going perfectly, and you’ve spent the whole day in the sun. Maybe you’ve just fallen in love or gotten a really great night’s sleep. Sometimes those feelings are the same feeling. The good thing about cake is that you don’t have to do anything to earn a little slice of cake or do something to deserve it. You deserve cake just because. Isn’t that fun? I think so.

But the thing is, when I want a slice of cake, I am usually not in the mood to go and get a slice of cake. There are several grocery stores near me that serve individual slices of cake because they are angels among us who know what we need. However, I don’t possess the foresight to understand when I’ll need a slice of cake, so I never get them because I’m stupid. And also, although I may deserve a slice of some cake just because I don’t deserve to spend $47, which is what it would usually cost to have a single slice of cake delivered to me. I’m worth a lot! I am not worth that.

And so here we are. This is a recipe for a slice of cake. It’s chocolate because I wanted it to be. It’s not a cupcake! Because a cupcake is not a piece of cake. It utilizes an 8x4 inch loaf pan because it bakes up like a small sheet cake that you can cut in thirds and stack on itself. It’s a layered cake! Because really, if I want a slice of some cake, I want a slice of layered cake.

If you have a Joe, it might be just enough to share with your Joe (but probably not). If you don’t have a Joe, I’m sorry! Everyone should have a Joe. A Joe is a very nice thing to have. But! You’re in luck! Because that means you don’t have to share your slice of cake. You could be more selfless than I am and make your Joe a slice of some cake to be sweet. That would be nice. I’ll consider doing that sometime. But this slice of cake is for me (and you).

one slice of cake

If you’re a baker, chances are you have 99% of these ingredients already. If you’re not a baker but have baked before, chances are 99% of these things are in the back of your pantry, waiting to be used. The vision for this cake is that you’ve got 99% of things, and on the way home, you decide you’re in the mood for a slice of cake. So you stop at the store to pick up the 1 or 2 items you need, and then boom, you’ve got cake.

This recipe does rely on you having an 8x4 inch loaf pan. A 9x5 is too big, I’m sorry! You could also make this into a big cupcake? Or two? Up to you! But again, I’m going for layered cake.

Anyway, start to finish, this takes approximately 35 minutes, including cooling and frosting. It would take a whole cake longer than that just to cool. Which is why I really, really think this is worth it.

one slice of cake: ingredients

for cake

1/4 cup all-purpose flour: easy

1 tbsp cocoa powder: unsweetened!

1/4 tsp baking soda: if you’ve only got baking powder, that’ll work too

a pinch of kosher salt: just a pinch!

2 tbsp vegetable oil: or canola oil or coconut oil could be fun!

2 tbsp granulated sugar: easy peasy

2 tbsp heavy whipping cream: I call for heavy whipping cream here because I wanted a whipped cream frosting because I love whipped cream frosting—if you want to use a different kind of frosting, you can use regular milk here or even water, but honestly don’t use water!

1 teaspoon vanilla extract: if you have another extract like almond extract, that would also be nice, but vanilla is the OG, so you can’t go wrong

zest of one orange: ok, this you probably don’t have on hand, so it’s optional but HIGHLY recommended—chocolate and orange are one of my favorite combos of all time, and because it’s a small little cake, the zest goes a long way here!!

for frosting

The deal with this frosting is that it’s tangy and also light enough that when you spread it (GENTLY) on the cake, it won’t mess things up because the cake is a little delicate! It’s not buttercream because WHO has time to wait for butter to soften for ONE SLICE of cake? Not me! You could also whip a 1/2 cup of cream with sugar and go straight whipped cream if you wanted, but, like, I want a little more than that!

1/4 cup heavy whipping cream: easy

1/4 cup greek yogurt: any fat percentage here works! You could also sub in this amount of sour cream if you’ve already got that at home!

1 tbsp granulated sugar: If you’ve got powdered sugar on hand, you could do like 1/2-3/4 of a tablespoon of that, but I didn’t want to ask you to get another thing, and granulated works just fine.

a pinch of kosher salt: just a pinch!

one slice of cake: method

Start by preheating your oven to 325 degrees, setting a rack in the middle, and greasing your loaf pan. Grease her good! Honestly, preheat your oven before you even gather your ingredients because the longest part of this whole process is waiting for your oven to heat up!

Next, in a bowl, combine your wet ingredients—that’s cream, oil, vanilla extract, zest, and sugar. Yes, zest and sugar are wet today!

In a separate bowl, combine your dry ingredients—that’s flour, salt, baking soda, and cocoa powder.

Then go ahead and pour your wet ingredients into your dry ingredients and whisk them together. Once combined, pour the mixture into your greased loaf pan. You might need to use a spatula to spread your mixture out, but that’s fine. Also, really scrape down the bowl. It’s only one piece of cake, so every bit counts! NO LICKING THE SPOON THIS TIME! (Ok, maybe just one small lick.)

Put your cake on the middle rack of your oven and bake for 10 minutes. Yep, just 10!

While your cake bakes, prepare your frosting.

In a large bowl, whisk your heavy cream until it turns into whipped cream. Big motions here! It’s only a quarter cup, so honestly, it should take you like 3 minutes by hand. You can do this!

Once your cream is whipped cream, add your sugar and greek yogurt (or sour cream!) and a pinch of salt, and whisk for another minute or so. Just until it’s combined—glossy and fluffy, and light! Pop it in the fridge!

Once your cake is done, let it cool in the pan on a wire rack for like five minutes. After five minutes, run a knife along the edge of the pan and then flip it out onto the wire rack and let it cool for another five minutes. The easiest way to do this is to put the wire rack on top of the pan and then flip the whole thing over. Be brave! Be strong! Be fast!

Once it’s mostly cool, pull your frosting out of the oven and cut your cake into thirds (you could also cut it in half if you wanted a shorter, wider cake, which is cool!).

Because the cake is lovely and delicate, I’d use a butter knife or spatula to transfer it to a plate, one layer at a time, dolloping frosting between each layer. A third of the frosting per layer if thirds, half if you’re doing half—math and science, babe!

And that’s it! Chocolate orange cake with greek yogurt whipped cream frosting. She’s zesty! She’s tangy! She’s all yours! Because it’s just one slice of cake!

Sure, it’s a little Much™️, but you deserve it! Go make yourself a slice of cake and live your dreams.

Ok, love you bye!

Garrett